I will fly to Boston to visit my only child, aka Bon Bon from Sept. 4 to 12 before I leave the country to serve Peace Corps in Africa.
Gaining her approval, acceptance, respect, and blessing were the one and only challenge during my Peace Corps application process. I encountered not a single obstacle... except her. The long drawn out exhaustive application process, or the 5 weeks of getting medical clearance in India, or the never ending paperwork with continuous updated resume were all kindergarten work compared to having to face my only child's disapproval. As a parent, it eats your inside when your child is unhappy or terribly sad.
When I learned of that fateful nomination back in March 2012, that late evening, I composed a very neutral, mature, and thought out e-mail announcing the "good news" to her and my brother. I rewrote, I reread, I rewrote, I reread, and I rewrote some more before I clicked sent. All the while smoking a small Burmese cigar to calm my nervousness.
The next day I was waiting for their replies at each hour on the clock. I was in Mandalay, Myanmar and they were in USA, bro in west coast and kid in east coast. Finally after at least 48 hours, I received a reply with a forward attachment from Fendi. The e-mail to me was calm, rational, and straightforward. The forward was an e-mail sent to my brother and his wife who serve as surrogate parent when she needs additional support. I cringed, shuddered, and became highly stressed as I read her initial reaction. She received my good news announcement while attending a class in college. As she read my supposedly good news of my nomination which probably means my impending departure, she got up from class and went straight to the bathroom to cry and composed the email to her uncle and aunt explaining her dilemma. Oh my God....that's major hardcore taking it badly when one needs to remove oneself to have the privacy to cry! Oh poor baby, mommy never want to hurt you. I'm so sorry. I love you but can you understand what I'm doing?
After that e-mail, there had been several exchanges of e-mail communication where I stated my point and she stated her point. This was a dilemma that we both faced. Neither is right nor wrong. Her issue was valid and completely understandable. Her concern was that I wouldn't be accessible to her while she is in college as this is an important time in her life. If she needed her mother, how would she be able to get a hold of little old me while I'm in po dunk Africa living amongst the bushes? She called me selfish although she struggled herself with that term. How can she call a person selfish who is serving Peace Corps. Good point, Fendi! Selfish is always a theme she labels me growing up and to some extent, she is not completely incorrect. Self absorbed as a very young divorced single parent...yes, it happens. I want a life, too.
During my travel and while she was in college in Boston, there was no conflict resolution via e-mail or the very unenthusiastic phone conversations. Naturally, this is a matter that needed to be dealt with face to face in person.
When we were finally both back home in California in the beginning of July, we had a total of three conversations regarding this issue. Convo #1 went nowhere. Convo #2 wasn't any better and lastly Convo #3 which was the night before Fendi was to return back to Boston for work was finally productive. There was a genuine exchange of dialogue where I was able to understand my daughter's feeling and thinking. This goes beyond the Peace Corps gig; this entails a more deeper issue.
I believe she was finally convinced that my departure, assuming I will be invited at the time, wouldn't seriously impact her life. As I explained to her: college life with studies, summer school, job internship, boyfriend, friends, vacations and all-around-crazy-shit-that-goes-on-in-college would make her life full and busy. If she needed me, I am an e-mail or a mobile phone call away. What difference does it make if I'm in California, France, or Tanzania? I asked her how often does she contact me if it wasn't for the typical "hey mommy, send me some dough s'il vous plait" or " okay, i have relationship issues, I need your advice, Dr. Wendy". More resolutely, it is her understanding that I actually have vacation days where I am able to return home to USA if I chose to. Better yet, I asked her to get her slim young ass to where I am. If staying in a mud hut house with a hole in the ground as a toilet is too hardcore and out of her comfort zone, for God's sake, I'm a cool and generous mother offering to meet in Morocco or a midpoint between Massachusetts and Tanzania. What kid will refuse an offer to go on a wildlife safari? Probably Bon Bon!
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