Choo 101 or Everything You Wanted to Know About the Choo but was Afraid to Ask or Know

*Choo 101 or Everything You Wanted to Know About the Choobut was Afraid to Ask or Know

Choo- Swahili, ki-vi class noun, plural is Vyoo

Pronunciation:choo is pronounced like “cho”; it rhymes with “low”.

Definition:toilet; in rural Africa it is normally a hole in the ground

Choo used insentences:

Choo kiko wapi?-Where is the toilet?

Ninaenda chooni.-I’m going to the toilet.

Tutakuwa na vyooviwili. -We will have two toilets.

Sipendi choo changu. – I don’t like my toilet.

Intro to choo(notice the clever rhyme): a huge part of the globe uses a squat toilet instead of a sit down toilet. To sit or to squat, that is the question! It is believed that squatting over a toilet is more sanitary than sitting on a toilet when answering to nature’s call. The idea is that sitting on a public toilet is dirty; whereas if you squat, your body is touching nothing. There is some validity to this point of view. For those living in the developed west and has never traveled abroad to other countries, especially third world developing nations or once upon a time a developing nation, it would not be a bad idea to familiarize oneself with how the other majority of the world do their personal business in the 21^st century.

Choo manual:regardless of the types of choo, you face the door and squat where your feet are on either side of the choo. Make sure the door is locked so an unsuspecting person doesn’t walk into the choo witnessing you strain with fear in your face.Urinating on one’s foot or feet, if the stream of urine is out of control, is common practice. Strong knees and quad muscles will make this task easier to perform. While squatting, use skirt or shirt to cover nose and or mouth to avoid smelling and inhaling toilet stench if applicable.

Wiping agents: Locals use their left hand. Foreigners use toilet paper. Stock up on toilet paper whenever possible and also, always carry some toilet paper with you, as many public choo do not have them. For emergency, gather big and soft pliable leaves before choo action. Any absorbent material will do. The thinking of those who use hand to rinse water to their privates is that we who uses toilet paper is disgusting in that we are smearing our feces to the body with toilet paper.

Flushing mechanism:a bucket of water containing a small pail to flush water down your toilet paper and waste down the hole. Depending on the type of choo, flushing may not be necessary; therefore, there will be an absence of water. More developing nations will have plumbing and may have a flusher.

Types of choo :

1. Porcelain pitlatrine –a porcelain squat toilet on the ground. It is rectangular in shapewith a hole on one end where human wastes get dropped and on either side areridges where the feet step on.

Pro: it’s the Rolls Royce of choo as it costs money to buy and it looks civilized because it’s an actual toilet style in white porcelain.

Con: like a sit down toilet, you have to clean with toilet brush if there is staining. If there is no water available and your waste doesn’t automatically slip down the hole, you can see your own excrement sitting in the pit. Not a pretty sight.

2. Drop choo – a man made hole in the ground measuring 20 feet deep down. A new hole at adifferent location is created every 15 years. Sometimes a cover is made to cover the hole.

Pro: one can also dispose of trash in the hole. No need to clean or flush with water as human waste gets dropped down deep in the ground.

Con: bats and other creatures may inhabit and breed inside the deep hole of this dark tunnel. A very disturbing thought as you squat with your cooch hanging out hoping a bat doesn’t fly up and bite your ass. Scary.

3. Outhouse. Let’s call it “my toilet” – the infrastructure is a little house, which is raised from the ground, and there is a hole on the floor of the structure. You simply do your business and aim it in the hole.

Pro: no need to flush or clean because it’s a hole. No scary bat and spider residency because the distance from hole to the earth can be seen from the hole on the floor. It is shallow.

Con: you can see your own waste on the ground from the hole.This can be remedied if you strategically drop your toilet paper to cover any visually upsetting view.

Location:

Pit latrines are always in an enclosed room usually with a tiny useless window. This room can be either inside a house or outside the house as a separate compartment of the house. I don’t like this kind of toilet set up because usually they are inside the house, which smells horrendous because of the lack of air circulation. The latter location is preferable as you can open the door and allow entrance of air.

Drop choo are always outside the house and is enclosed. This set up is disturbing because of the unknown lurking in the mysterious black tunnel and also it has an awful smell as waste and other trash is buried down deep with no contact with air.

My toilet is the best because it’s totally outdoor taking care of nature’s call. There is no mental image of the boogey man’s hand reaching to grab me from the hole and no need to scrub a pit latrine. There is no issue with smelling a raunchy toilet because it is not enclosed in an interior room. The enclosure is made of 4 walls with a ceiling but it’s gaps and holes galore with ventilation for air circulation. It’s high-class camping style. Me likey.

The aftermath:

A bucket of water is a hint signaling non-existence of plumbing, which further translates to no sink, or at least no running water.There may be a sink, which most likely will not function because the plumbing is inevitably always jacked. As evidenced by another bucket of water, this is the water to wash your hands. Soap is a luxury and consider yourself blessed if available for your use. If this is the case, wash your hands like no tomorrow until they’re raw and the skin is about to come off as this is an activity not to be taken for granted or lightly. If you used your left hand instead of toilet paper, you definitely want to vigorously wash your hands and don’t forget to dig inside your finger nails.

Since toilet paper is usually not provided, after handwashing, shake hands to dry or like me, use your skirt or pants as hand towel to pat dry.

Quickly undo the sliding lock with your wet hands and exhale deeply and try to find a clean space to inhale “new air”. Relax and mentally give yourself a pat on the back after a productive run to the choo. The choo is no fun.

Choo Debriefing

Q: What happens to the excrement and other wastes that get dropped in the drop choo and outhouse?

A: Human waste is biodegradable and organic. It will decompose and break down and blend into the earth. Pigs in India eat human fences as they hang out under the outhouses waiting for poo poo to be dropped down for their din din. Bon Appetit! Bacon, ham and pork chop anyone?

Q: Do you miss using a western style sit down toilet?

A: No, one gets use to squatting. The risk of squatting is peeling on yourself and shoes. What is slimy is the perpetual muddy wetness around the choo as dirt from shoes and water from the bucket comingle thus abig dirty mess is created.

Q: What happens if you pee on your foot and shoes?

A: Nothing.

Q: How can one avoid peeing on oneself?

A: Learn to squat wider. Remember those aerobic classes targeting the quads and glutes? Finally, they are useful now.

Q: What happens if you forget to bring toilet paper?

A: You have the following options of 1. Use hand 2. Drip dry or get ready for vigorous underwear washing session later 3. Think outside the box and use what material you might see in the choo, maybe the empty toiletpaper roll?

Q: What if you need to wash your hands and there is no separate water for hands, only the bucket of water for flushing the choo?

A: Take a chance and use the water to wash your hands. Many may have done what you’re doing so you will contribute to the bucket of dirty hand water. Your hands were dirty anyway so you’re even steven.

Q: Is there a separate room to take a bath?

A: Usually the choo is also the room where you take a bath.If there is a separate room aside from the choo, it is an empty room with a drain hole on the ground.

Q: How do you take a bath in the choo room?

A: I’ve asked myself this for the past 10 weeks at twice aday.

Q: No, seriously, how do you take a bath in the choo room?

A: Reread last answer. It is absolutely uncomfortable,disturbing, and disgusting to bathe in a room where it reeks of crap and having to stand naked exercising the power of denial that I didn’t see a big cockroach scampering about, bugs flying, or a gecko on the wall. It is the epitome of what sanitation is NOT. You don’t clean yourself in a place where a human does its dirtiest deed. Try doing this in the dark with no electricity except for a flashlight of some sort. I’ve also been asked to do my laundry in the choo. It can be physically, mentally, and emotionally upsetting.

Q: You didn’t answer my question. How do you take a bath in the choo?

A: A bucket of water with a used old plastic container as a vehicle to scoop water onto the body. With one bucket of water, let your imagination run wild in what cleansing activities may be conducted. Ie.brushing teeth, washing underwear, washing hair and body, etc.

Q: Do you feel clean after the bath? Is it as good and effective as a regular shower?

A: Are you crazy?

Q: Can you please answer my question?

A: Living in a dusty, humid and hot place make the body a perfect conduit for dirt and grime trapping. A bucket bath superficially rinses away some visible layer of perspiration and dust. The water itself is not clean but at least it temporarily gives you relief from a sweaty body.

Q: Will you have to take a bath in your choo at your house in Njombe?

A: No. I have what was once upon a time a bathroom with a sit down toilet and plumbing for a shower. Currently, it is depilated, nothing works and it is a scary looking room appropriate as a setting for the next Texas Chainsaw Massacre or other graphic horror movie needing an abandoned morgue scene. Tanzania is in desperate need of good plumbers. Painters too.

Q: Where will you bathe?

A: Luckily, I’ll be a cooler climate where bathing is not an immediate need.

Q: Does that mean you’re not going to bathe often?

A: NO. I must have my daily baths even if it means standing outside my backyard with the potential of giving voyeurs something to be happy about. I may hide and bathe next to a big tree full of huge trumpet flowers. Problem is that tons of bees are near this tree. I may just have to bathe in that eerie mini slaughter room.

*Experiences,comments, and opinions are strictly mine and others may have pleasant thoughts and delightful experiences with various vyoo in Tanzania. This and subsequent articles are in no way intended to insult or offend the people and culture of Tanzania or other developing nations.  Following articles will make many references to choo and body odor in public transportation. If toilet talk and bodily odor offend one’s sensibilities, it is advisable to discontinue reading. For those who feel this is culturally insensitive…go take a hike!